weese

wisdom

2012-01-18T13:23:00.003-05:00

Our dear friend the Rabbi will reply to the question:
"How are you?"
with
"I am only as happy as my least happy child."

This is a deep truth.

It could explain our dizzying joy.

Ferris has landed a job.
A good job.

No longer will he be pouring cocktails at night and slogging around A/C duct work during the day.
Rather he'll sport a suit, and get on a train, and get off at Wall Street.

weese's political stance

2011-12-28T15:39:00.005-05:00

I will vote for anyone who immediately bans the use of, possession of,
or even knowledge of ...packing peanuts.

There should also be strict punishments for violators or those who unlawfully harbor such vile materials.

Like serious punishment... not spa time at the penitentiary with three squares and cable tv.

expecting...

2011-12-27T14:28:00.002-05:00

grammy-weese and nana are very excited to announce the gestational beginnings of their very first grandchild.

I cannot keep my delighted wife (aka nana) still. She has already refinished two rocking chairs, is hemming maternity pants and oh...has changed her career status to 'semi-retired'.

In case you were expecting a card...

2011-12-25T08:45:00.002-05:00

'tis the season

2011-12-22T09:41:00.004-05:00

I have several posts swimming around in my head - but no time to write.
So its getting crowded up there...hmm, I think they make a pill for that.

The holidays are upon us folks.
Please fill your hearts with joy and your homes with cookies (must remember to blog about my new diet plan).

This time of year can bring tremendous stress as we try to do everything right and to please others. Remember to take a moment each day - be completely in that moment. You may find that in each moment taken upon itself its not all that stressful. You may find a small slice of peace. Of joyful peace.
And by being joyful - you create joy around you. Its like a big joy bubble. Others will feel this joy. And its quite possible they too will also become joyful. If not..remember there is always Spiced Rum.

Happy Holidays - from weese and her festive wife

oh yeah...and the Free dog.

Bubba

2011-12-13T17:58:00.004-05:00

It's not his name, tho honestly I can't remember how I came to start calling him that. But for so many years now he's been Bubba to me.

Bubba is my brother.
My older brother.

So close in age, it always surprises me that our earliest memories don't seem to match. The result of a brother and sister's individual interpretations of their childhoods I suppose... or at least I hope. We joke about been raised by different families.

Bubba and I were not really close as kids. We were very different with different friends and interests. Tho we were not combative either. We argued rarely and were never rough with each other.

In high school, only 1 year apart, our paths grew even farther from each other. I was popular and on the wild side (ok - far to that side). He was quiet and kept to himself a bit. I was considered the smart one - but really more clever than smart. Mom gave him a hard time about his grades and his unkempt room and all sorts of other nonsense.

When it came time for college we were both expected to attend the private university where our father had been a well respected professor. We had free rides and free reign with a great head start from faculty who still remembered our father fondly over a dozen years after his death.

Bubba went off to school first - but it didn't click for him. His poor high school grades confirmed by his failure to thrive at college.
A year later I left for the same school, leaving Bubba behind living at home.

But Bubba was anything but dumb. With no education he landed himself a job as a case worker. He literally talked himself into a career, a field he works in to this day. Like his father, he is well respected in his work, and liked by his coworkers for his amiable attitude and great sense of humor.

At some point during his adult life Bubba came to realize his earlier difficulties were caused by dyslexia. Finally an answer to what hindered him from being able to muddle his way through reading and writing and learning all those years. Not even he understood why it was just so hard for him. So hard for him to learn and prepare and present - so hard for him, while I skated through barely even going to class and bringing excellent grades home. Even as a young person I realized how frustrating that must have been for him.

But like a blind person might - he learned to compensate. He honed a perfect memory. He absorbed like a sponge. If he heard it once, not only could he remember it and understand it but he could connect and expand on several things based on relation information - pulling it all together. He was like a walking encyclopedia, or perhaps more accurately - a database, and he loved to talk and share. Please note, that as his sister this was more annoying than impressive.

This amazing gift was primarily overlooked. It's simply what got him through life. It helped him advance his career. It helped him fit.

Bubba loved to learn. He lived to learn. I believe if it were not for his disability, or even perhaps if he had been diagnosed - he may have become a scholar. One of those 'professional students', maybe even a professor like his dad.
And at some point he came to realize that an education was actually very important to him.
So once again - he overcame.

Bubba got a diploma.

He found an amazing university doing a progressive degree program which catered to folks with jobs trying to advance their educations. It's a non-traditional adult learning program - tho more intense than most.
Since it was so personalized - the learning experience could be tweaked to his dyslexic limitations. And there he soared.

Not only did he graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Human Development - but Bubba was the keynote speaker as well.

He was eloquent, and funny and touching.

We overheard a professor ask him if he had memorized his words. He spoke with such confidence and poise and it was quite evident he was not reading from a paper.
In true character - he simply chuckled and replied to the professor that he had a written speech but he was not really sure where he laid it down last, surely it must be somewhere...

His wife quietly whispered to us - that in fact he spoke exactly what he had written, as she had read his speech earlier this week.

That's my big brother Bubba.
He is his father's son.
He is a scholar.

Mom would be so proud.

2011-11-30T16:34:00.004-05:00

I caught some of the 11 o'clock news last night. I wanted to see if winter planned to make an appearance here in New England (note that I am NOT complaining).

The weather is last of course - this way we must muddle through all the local drudgery. Apparently some Town Hall was going to redo their roof and residents were having a nit fit. In another town some folks are without power...again... tho really you would think we'd all be used to that by now.

Then we got to crime portion of the news.

In a town not to far from here it seems there was a store that was robbed. The newscaster described the robbers as 'two white men'.
A little farther north there was a bank robbery. These suspects were described as 'two black men'.

So people, please - keep your eyes out for either two white men, or two black men.

I suppose if you should see four men and two of them are white and two of them are black we can assume its a crime ring.

For that matter if you simply see one man and he is either white or black - you may have spotted one of them.

So if you see anyone at all - perhaps you should just call the police.

this can't be good

2011-11-30T12:48:00.003-05:00

I turned on the Victoria Secret fashion show last night.
What's better than terribly attractive women in very little clothing?
Who needs in-depth programming or even a plot.
Simply eye-candy.

Oddly, its just made me hungry.

how to relax over the holidays

2011-11-28T09:25:00.006-05:00

Go to someone elses house. heh.

After some 20+ years of hosting ... Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas morning or Christmas brunch or Christmas dinner, Easter even Mothers day - perhaps all of these in the same year.
We had the unique opportunity to ...not.

This year my attractively-aging wife and I were hosted by our daughter - who seemingly loves to cook and entertain. She makes it all seem so effortless (and tasty). Ah, to be young.

This meant there was no holiday pre-clean. No shopping or cooking or basting and stirring. We didn't vacuum ...twice (thanks Free dog). We didn't rent tables and set up rooms in odd configurations to handle the masses. We didn't create a space for hors devours or a makeshift wine bar.

Instead - we lingered over coffee. We watched the parade, and scuffed around in jammies like it was a Sunday morning.

Later that day, we ate, we drank, we helped clear some dishes.

Then we stuffed ourselves into our car, and rolled home.

Where there was no post holiday cleaning, no crumbs ground into the furniture, no mountains of empties to rinse and put out. No dishes hidden under the sofa. Not a wine spill to be found.

I felt so lazy.

I could get used to this.

does this make me look old

2011-11-21T10:09:00.003-05:00

The problem, as I see it, with this 'my hair should look like I just woke up' look - is that I can no longer tell if a guy is lazy and unkempt or seriously fashionable.

Friday

2011-11-18T15:56:00.002-05:00

tip-o-day

It occurred to me -- while squishing myself into a tiny attic crawl space with several tools in hand, wearing a face mask, goggles and gloves and stuffing insulation between the floor joists (vapor barrier down, of course) that not only should I be paying somebody to do this for me - but that I need to share some important advice with my children.

Do the best you can to plan your life well. Save money when you're young. Don't squander it all on fun and dinners out and fancy cars and trips and fine shoes (well... maybe fine shoes).
That way, when you get to be the ripe ole age of 50 - you can hire people to do things like lay on their backs with a staple gun and itchy pink insulation in spaces that should only be accessed by the occasional house spider.

Excuse me while I go find my checkbook.

Friday

2011-11-11T16:33:00.004-05:00

tip-o-day

It's best to move furniture away from registers during the heating season. This is especially important with baseboard heat where it needs to draw cooler room air up under the register and release it from the top at toasty temps.

To help keep furniture from sliding back up against the registers from normal daily use - use a small board (perhaps 1/2 thick by 3 inch width) cut to about 6 or so inches in length. I like to use pine scraps from my workshop and if they will be visible, I apply a coat or two of poly so it blends with our wood floors.
Simply place the wood behind each furniture leg and tuck it under the register or push it against the wall. This way the sofa, bed or table won't be able to get any closer.

Got power?

2011-11-08T12:40:00.004-05:00

As you may have heard we’ve been having some ‘electrical issues’ here in the Northeast or perhaps it’s only Connecticut. Certainly seems to be anyway. Or maybe we just don't hear the news from our neighboring states over our own loud complaining.

Now I don’t run a power company, nor do I have any knowledge of the inner workings of such a business… but most people in the state, and especially those without power are certain that something is not right. Currently there is a lot of finger pointing and complaining, while we still have several thousand folks going without power now for 9 days. I heard there is even a lawsuit. Eek.

Granted it's been pretty bad here. Roads are impassable, schools have been out for over a week in some places, homes are damaged, trees are just destroyed. There are parking lots where folks can get drinking water, and places opening up called 'warming stations' for those folks trying to stay with their homes ..but who just need to get toasty for a little while. The shelters are full, the hotels with power are full, and those of us with power are taking in family and friends.
(this was not a hardship for us mind you... as it was our nieces who we got to take in )

I do know that despite any missteps by management that the folks working the lines are out there in force, working long, long hours – in the dark, in the cold and now many of them leaving their homes and families in other states to come help us out.

It so happened that yesterday on the highway I passed some of these line workers – looked like they were convoying to either another outage location, or maybe back home to their families and warm hearths.
There had to be at least 20 trucks traveling along in the right lane. The emblem on their trucks put them all from Michigan. Michigan people… wow.

And so.. I pulled into the middle lane and traveled at a speed where I could pass each truck in the convoy. Each time I came up next to a truck I beeped and waved and gave at thumbs up out of my sunroof. Each truck in turn tooted back at me. I passed so many of these guys, that by the time I got to the front of the line they were beeping and waving at me first. Other 16 wheelers joined in and beeped too, as well as some drivers who caught on to what was going on.

Down at our house by the marsh, our power didn’t even flicker – we don’t get much snow down here. But I really wanted to say thanks. Thanks to the people that go out and do cold, and important work --despite issues with management, flawed media coverage, and a bunch of cranky customers.

Friday

2011-10-21T18:01:00.002-04:00

tip-o-day

If you know you're house will be filled with workers ALL day...who might possibly be tracking in mud and marking up your freshly painted walls - take you Xanax early.

It's still going on...

2011-10-19T15:01:00.006-04:00

Just so you don't think we are all sitting around swilling Bloody Mary's here all day long...
(well not the entire day...)

Work continues here on the little house by the marsh.

This week we are getting all new windows. Believe me ...we need them.

The cement slab for our new 2 car garage has been poured. We don't have an actual garage yet, but really I can't be too picky.

Last week we had the entire back lawn removed.

We reseeded it. Which was more work than I had expected. Somehow I wasn't completely convinced that age can actually slow you down. That was a huge miscalculation.

Luckily the very next day found us in Provincetown - swilling Bloody Mary's of course.

Really…

2011-10-18T13:37:00.000-04:00

I heard on the radio this morning that they will soon offer rides in space starting at about $200k per 2 hour ride.

People… if you happen to have $200k to joy ride in a rocket, could you just feed somebody.

look up

2011-09-23T13:46:00.002-04:00

I am busy today watching the sky for space debris.

Hey... you never know.

and then there was one

2011-09-19T10:00:00.006-04:00

The era of the land baronesses has ended. whew.
We now only own one house. It almost seems too easy.

I closed on mom's condo on Friday.

It was even more emotional than closing on our own house a few weeks ago.
As tired as we were of running three households there is just something about that moment when you realize you can never go back.

The closing went smoothly, in fact while I was signing papers the buyer called and asked if she could go in. Apparently she was sitting in her car with her daughter - after just having closed on her old house...waiting... nervous waiting. I agreed immediately, even wished I had thought to mention it sooner. I know the day must have been terribly hard for her. I wanted to do anything I could to make it as smooth as possible.

You see, Ita had been living in her home for over 40 years. She raised her children there, her husband was a teacher at the towns high school and she was a nurse (just like my mom). Ita lost her husband to cancer just this past March. I don't the story of how she managed to get organized enough to move so quickly - but I do know that moving to my mom's senior complex is right in between her two daughters. I have to believe that was a major motivation.

After I signed all the papers (it was just me and the lawyers - I am the executrix)
I headed over to my mom's plot at the cemetery which is just down the street from the condo. This was my thoughtful-wifes' idea, and as usual her suggestions are worth listening to.

The afternoon was stunning, warm sunshine and a cool autumn breeze. It was while I sat there enjoying the air and tending to the plot that I decided to go buy a small house warming plant and stop by to meet Ita. Was that crazy? I don't know. But it felt right.

The movers were there, and in full swing. As I approached the front door I waved to an elderly woman just inside. She invited me in even before I had a chance to introduce myself. Once I told Ita that I was the one who just sold her the condo she had me sitting at the table chatting in no time at all. Her daughter was there - helping her to unpack her kitchen. The three of us chit chatted comfortably about moving, and being a nurse, about how wonderful this neighborhood is how friendly the neighbors are - all watching out for each other.

I watched her furniture fill up the rooms that we had visited for over a dozen years. Her sofa set against the wall where mom's green one used to be. I spent more than a few nights during those last months sleeping on that green sofa, so I could be close to her room in case she stirred.
Ita's brown leather recliner remarkably set just where mom's favorite swivel recliner was. You could walk in any time and find her sunken into it. She would spin it around to face the door when she heard me come in as I called out a greeting. It was her go-to spot whether to watch a football game or when she was not feeling well. She even slept in it sometimes when the chemo made her too nauseous to lie in bed.

It did not bother me to see these changes. It felt good. I was happy for Ita. I was happy for the little condo. Happy for all the new memories that were going to happen there. Happy for the new grandkids that would come skipping through that door, calling out to grandma, who might be sitting in her recliner.
Knowing the good energy that was left there, and knowing how much Ita could use some now.

I was ready to let go.
I am ready to carry on.

peace mom.

Big News

2011-09-15T13:29:00.003-04:00

I have had so much to say lately, it's time to get back to it...

What a better way to start than with this.
Last night we did something that most of you do every day - that we have not done in 25 years.

Yes, folks.

We loaded and ran a dishwasher.
Right here in our own house.
All by itself it sat there whirring and swishing and soon enough, it was done!

These new fangled gadgets are certainly amazing.

and then there was some wind

2011-08-30T15:48:00.003-04:00

We're just fine. The little house by the marsh made it through the big, bad hurricane fairly unscathed.
The roof leaked a bit, the basement dribbled a little.
But we never lost power.

We walked down to the water several times that day. It was a shorter walk than usual.
Folks down there took a beating.
But hey - you have to expect that if you want to live on the fringe.

and then...

2011-08-26T09:23:00.005-04:00

...there is Irene.

Here at the little house by the marsh we are busily preparing for the storm.

The latest models show a direct hit. The biggest issue for us will be flooding. Luckily our little house sits pretty high, but we are taking some precautions in the basement.

We chatted with a cop in the front yard yesterday morning who told us most likely they will post some police down here on our little peninsula, and then close off both access roads.
No in, no out.
We are also preparing to be without power for several days.
Meaning that we will fill our propane tanks and go to the liqour store.

Welcome to the neighborhood!

and then there was the bathroom

2011-08-18T08:01:00.009-04:00

I don't have very good before pictures of the bathroom, but let me try to describe it.
The main bathroom is VERY small ... oddly we still bought the house. We were spoiled with our last house in that even tho we only had 1.5 baths, our main bath was rather roomy for an older house.

This bath is typical of the cape style houses found here at the beach. Almost every cape we went into had a similar layout. And actually one of the reasons we liked this little brick house by the marsh is that on either side of this bathroom were decent sized closets for each bedroom. The lack of closet space in houses by the water is astounding. Well...not the houses right on the water - I bet they have loads of closet space, or at least I would hope so. It would really piss me off to pay a million bucks for a house and have my clothes jammed into makeshift closets in the eves.

Anyway... back to the bathroom -

The previous owners had recently remodeled this tiny bathroom to include a really cheap plastic spa tub.
It may look ok in this picture - but the thing warped when you got in. And as we have already established, the previous owners idea of clean and my idea of clean could not be farther apart. I would NEVER be able to bathe in this tub. Just thinking of it now is making me shiver...

And ..yes... it is surrounded by black, fake-marbly tile. Even the ceiling was black tile. Really, what do people think about?

On the other side of the room they installed the largest vanity they could find - perfect for the tiny space.

Clearly ALL this had to go...

We had a new cast iron tub installed.

My artistic-wife picked out delicious tile for the floor - since it was such a small space we spoiled ourselves with marble. It feels amazing under bare feet.

She brightened up the shower area using white and some playful blues.

Then we went to Ikea - who shines at clever ideas for small spaces and got this small vanity and very cool sink/faucet.

Please note: that while currently functional, this room is still under construction. A leak (we now say "yet another leak") was discovered in the wall mounted bathroom fan... this leaking... is a whole 'nother story.

We started in the kitchen...

2011-08-10T16:54:00.014-04:00

When we bought the little brick house by the marsh (we have marsh views...not beach views - hey we're not millionaires) we knew we would need to make some changes.

The previous owners had a decorating style that... we'll lets just call it early 80's gangster.

So we had already planned on doing extensive painting and to have the floors redone.
notice dark floors...and mustard? walls

..and what the hell is that thing over the sink.

But what we didn't expect to find was so much damage. These people were slobs. And apparently were clueless when it came to house breaking dogs.

yes.
ew.

We started to tear up the fake wood kitchen floor the day after we closed. What we found underneath was ...simply nasty.

My horrified-wife said,
I want it out.
All out.
Right now!

Bad timing for our friend Bill who was on his way over for the new house tour. But he handled it like a gentleman when I called him to say 'bring a drill'.

new hardwood in the kitchen,

and new cabinets.

Of course, as with every project here at the brick house on the marsh, there have been some glitches and delays.
But hey - plywood counters are way better than where we stared.

...and we're back

2011-08-09T12:24:00.004-04:00

we've moved.
we put all of our crap in boxes.
25 years of crap.
in boxes.
and we used ALOT of tape.

5 guys came and put all of those boxes in two trucks.
we all drove down here to the beach (its a marsh actually).
the five guys then unloaded ALL those boxes into our new house.
our new house is smaller than our old house.
the movers lost nothing.
dammit.

we are nearly unpacked.
but thats only because I live with, and am in love, with an industrious woman.
a woman whose stamina and work ethic are terribly hard to keep up with.

we are still under renovation.
there has been MUCH renovation, and more to come.

in retrospect, I really wished I had been blogging this whole time.

its been hilarious, scary, daunting, wonderful and enlightening.
I don't recommend moving for the faint of heart.
my energizer-wife says the next move will be to the 'home' with just our toothbrushes and a picture of the kids.
I am down with that.

This is why we don't need a truck

2011-06-13T16:31:00.008-04:00

My spontaneous-wife has been amassing plantings for the new house.
It's hard to see because of the background - but she pulled into the driveway with this...

I hear they loaded it into the car with a forklift, while commenting "Well this is a first."

She had it planted right away.

weese and her wife - land baronesses

2011-05-20T15:51:00.006-04:00

Irony.
One of several reasons we bought the little house down by the water was to cut down on all the maintenance we currently have here.

As it turns out - we've ended up doing a 'bit' more work on the new house than first anticipated...

This has delayed our move in date.
So now we maintain two houses...and yards...and gardens.
Oh - and we still haven't sold my mom's house yet.

Is it any wonder why I have no time for blogging.

a little something for everyone

2011-05-12T12:27:00.000-04:00

I went to the bank today. The branch... you know where there are actual tellers and such.
I was cashing in rolls of quarters and proceeds from our tag sale, car wash and bake sale - to get a deposit check together for the new house we are going to own tomorrow.

It took the teller a few moments to gather the paper work and count all those quarters - so I was idly watching the TV screen over her head. Normally I eschew screens in places of business. I find them disturbing and bothersome.
But something struck me about this show.
It was CNBC and they were discussing some top trader type fellow who was leaving his company and going to another. Apparently, this was big news and causing much stir.

But what struck me was the set, the commentators, the backdrop - even the stuff running at the bottom. This literally could have been on ESPN, with the topic about any of the big time players moving to another team. Even their body language and conversation patterns were just the same as I had seen Ferris watch a million times on his sports channels.

I began to picture a room of young analysts in front a huge TV, swilling beer and snacking on chips and big meat sandwiches**. They would argue back and forth about the move... was it the right move, was the new company smart in paying so much at sign on, how would the old company recover.

Hey... whatever you're into.
It's just nice to know those boys have a show to watch too.

** ok, possibly they would be swilling martinis and munching on fancy crackers slathered in caviar. but I like my imagery better.

Friday

2011-05-06T11:54:00.002-04:00

tip-o-day

Here's a quick, easy way to keep your house in tip-top shape and always ready for that unplanned drop in.
Put a for sale sign in the front yard.

just when you thought....

2011-05-05T19:24:00.004-04:00

I went over to my mom's this evening to meet a woman to sign a binder on her place.
I am the Executrix. I love the way that sounds... it makes me want to wear leather and furry handcuffs.

The contract has Hubbard clause because this woman needs to sell her place first.
I like her. She's a nurse, like mom. I hope she gets it.

But I was early. And I started to wander around.
And it started to get hard.

On the counter I found a tape and a player that my sister in law had left out for my brother to listen to. It was a tape from one of the many visits to one of my mothers many doctors. Sometimes, randomly she would bring along this little cassette recorder, because sometimes she didn't remember what the doctors told her.
I don't think she ever listened to any of the tapes after the appointments.

My sister in law set it out so we could hear her voice again.

This appointment was with a surgeon from Yale. One of the best. He specialized in difficult cases. She visited him a couple times. This visit was shortly after a year on chemo, and a few months before her death. On this tape I heard him tell her that she was still inoperable. That damned tumor was still sitting right on her vena cava. A major artery. And this position is what made surgery out of the question.
But - he told her all was not bad. The chemo was shrinking her tumor. I heard her voice add that indeed her markers were down.
This was all good news. Reason for hope. He advised perhaps some radiation.
Don't rule that out.
You look good he remarked.
Stay positive. And by all means keep in touch, he told her.
He was lovely... this surgeon, with a delightful British accent and a gentle European way. He was so soothing, and confident, and gave her that knowledgeable hope - that she would only take from the best doctors.
He assured her. Even though he could not help her.

I was with her at this appointment. Sitting right next to her. I believe I was holding the little cassette recorder.
I heard the hope, along with the subtleties of fear in her voice on that tape.
I don't remember hearing that when we were there.

Packing 101

2011-04-27T15:15:00.002-04:00

We're packing.
It's a little early - but we're excited.

Plus, last time we moved it was not all that smooth.
Hey - it was the 80's, we were in our mid 20's and kinda casual about the whole process.

Casual meaning... not really prepared.

Not prepared meaning that by around 10pm we were just grabbing arm fulls of stuff that had just not been packed.

No really... weese was a little less on top of things in the old days.
That's back when I was 'self-medicating'. I was calmer then. Tho clearly not as prepared. Every thing's a trade-off.

Just ask the friends who moved us. They still have emotional scars (and possible physical ones too).
I suppose that could be why they keep sending me emails with referrals to good moving companies and showing up in my driveway with packing supplies.

But this time... this time we'll be ready.

Hmm, is it possible to be too ready?

Putting technology in its place

2011-04-25T20:41:00.003-04:00

My off-the-grid wife has been forwarding me articles about how bad my cell phones is for my health.
She tells me not to hold it against my head for too long and that I should not carry it on my body. When I pressed her on statistical result data she was not too positive what the actual long term effects might be.
So I now carry my cell phone exclusively in my front pants pocket.
I am hoping to discover a way to shorten menopause.

Friday

2011-04-22T07:48:00.003-04:00

tip-o-day

This tip is brought to you by my new favorite customer service rep at Drs F oster and Smith - where I recently purchased a new dog bed for the Free Dog. It was one of the best customer service experiences ever I must say.

Completely out of character, I purchased an overly priced, overly stuffed designer covered cozy new bed to ease the trauma of moving. I know I know... go ahead and say it if you must - that's not going to help; I am a big softy; I spoil my children and pets (duh).

Anyhooo...
If you're like me and prefer to launder the pet bed cover often - here is a great tip to make it easier to put the cover back on. Some of these covers can fit quite tightly making it difficult to slide the bed back in.

Take a garbage bag, in the case of Free Dog's bed -- Free Dog who now tops 90 pounds... it's winter weight, she and I are both working on that -- we'll use a large lawn bag for her large size bed.
Slip the bag over the bed - open side away from you.
Then take the bed cover and slip it over the bed starting from the side where the bag is open (the openings will be on opposite sides).
The cloth cover will slide on easily over the slippery plastic.
Then just pull the bag out!

pinch me please

2011-04-20T15:12:00.000-04:00

Our house is on the market.

holy crap.

Please don't chat it up with people I am paying hourly

2011-04-15T09:56:00.004-04:00

This place is crawling with hired help right now to help us ready the house for sale.

I need them to all stop being so damned friendly with each other.
Our septic folks have been coming here for over 20 years and are very nice people, but they need to realize I am paying these landscapers by the hour.

:/

Gotta run, the chimney guy is here...

the look of fate

2011-04-12T15:33:00.003-04:00

So here is how it happened.

We decided quite recently that we were finally serious about moving. No really - we were gonna move. We had been talking about moving for years - the talking was getting old.

A plan was devised and lists were made.

We started watching new homes pop onto the market in the areas we were shopping.
This was exciting. Tho we still had much to do here to prepare this house for sale.

Suddenly (read this as the moment we decided to start looking) my excited wife found her dream home.
Please keep in mind... the last 'dream home' she found was, well let's call it a "vintage home", replete with crumbling foundation, sagging roof and leaning enough to notice while driving by. Needless to say I was skeptical.

But I have to say - the online pictures had me intrigued.

An adorable little cape, freshly done hardwood, a cute little layout and best of all - full ocean views from the front yard.
Whats not to like.
We did a drive by that night.

We got excited. We called our realtor the next day.
He said... "If only you had called 20 minutes ago"

Well, ok. Whattaya gonna do.

So there, the door had been opened - so we (read 'we' as 'my eager wife') threw the door open wide and started to look.

We saw a couple houses that were downright scary.
In one home I swear someone must have died while making dinner - and no one thought to clean that up before showing the house. This house would need siding, windows, chimney, roof and complete gutting inside.
It had two bids.

Hmm. Are we starting to see a pattern here.

One cold and rainy evening we walked through five houses in the desired neighborhood.
One was to smelly, one was two small, one was ok, one was on deposit and then there was one that was really quite nice.

But we didn't want to do anything rash. This house had been on the market for a couple months. So we figured... no rush.

Two days later we went to see another house (the one where I swear someone died) and walked out shaking our heads. The views were nice, but we were just not up for that much renovation.
We noticed that the rather nice house from the other night was about to have an open house.

Oh my.

We MUST go.

And here is where fate reared its beautiful head.

We arrived a full hour before the open house was to begin.
As we walked into the house our realtor introduced us to the listing agent, a friend, a good guy.
I shook his hand and turned to introduce my wife, already wanding around the first floor.
He, without missing a beat, and with an unmistakable lilt said
"Oh, honey - you're gonna love it here. This neighborhood is sooo accepting.
I live right down the block and have won the best garden award for two years running."

The deal was practically sealed.

But after wanding around the house for awhile, and getting annoyed at the other people coming in and out and walking through 'our' house... there was a moment.
A moment between my wife and I that makes me love this house even more...

She stood in the dining room, and I in the living room - and over the stairs our eyes met. I raised my eyebrows and pressed my lips, and gave just the slightest shrug of my shoulders indicating the silent inflection of a question.
She nodded. Her lips gently spreading into a devilish smile.

I turned to the agent and said, "Ok, what do we need to do to get this done."

or

2011-04-07T08:48:00.003-04:00

A little word with so much power.
There is OR and AND, or AND and OR.

Often used in the ubiquitous snippets of the if, then statements.

Can you even imagine how often you say them.

Trying to write about these little words without using them makes for difficult prose.

When I think of my life, I have always thought of it in terms of 'and'
My adorable wife and I.
Me and my family.
See... we are 'ands'.

However, in legal terms… or is the way to go.
For example - when you own property. You want or... not and...

You want it to be: property of weese or her delightful wife.

If it were and - then it would not be mine...it would be ours. Meaning it would only be partially mine. Which is great and cute and all la-de-daa sharing and what not...but when it comes to property you need to toss cute out the window.
We need property to be each of ours, not both. If our marriage were recognized it would not be an issue. But its not, so it is.

So why do I care today?
Because my spontaneous wife and I went on a little shopping spree this weekend.

This is hers...or mine...

A sure sign spring is coming

2011-02-07T09:12:00.002-05:00

Who needs a groundhog.

FREE dog on ice

uncle

2011-02-04T15:48:00.003-05:00

Thank goodness we finally realized that we're ... well... 50 or so.

After laying in bed the other night listening to the porch roof creak and thud under the weight and thawing and freezing - we hired out.

Two guys with shovels and a ladder.
Done.

We've let most of the front walk go.
The driveway has an inch of solid ice.
Now that the roof is clear the snow piles around the house are 6 feet.
We have given up on Ferris' hand me downs and purchased our own braces and wraps, I am using a cane as well.

More snow is coming this weekend, followed by another storm next week.

I am calm. Eerily so.

keeping up

2011-02-02T09:41:00.005-05:00

Over the weekend, my achy wife and I tried to tidy up a bit before this next storm (the one going on right now).

Since we live on a busy street - it's been a bit challenging to get out of our driveway due to visibility.
Here is my clever wife bringing down the height of the pile on the left side. She climbed up on top and shoveled it back away from the road - removing about 2 feet off the overall height, and maybe 6 feet back from the road (she moved ALOT of snow).

On the other side - there was really no way to bring the height down - so I just trimmed back the snow bank to widen the driveway. That side is very high - way higher than the cars.

Yesterday we had a couple more inches of sleet. It was hilarious fun trying to shovel this stuff. You would fill your shovel ... well not full - cuz that's just too heavy - then toss it up ontop of the pile. Like sand it would come right back down, along with the layer that was already there. It looked just like sand in an hourglass.

I was unable to help very much with the sleet removal due to a persnickety fever I had for the last couple days. My diligent wife handled the clean up like a champ (she also managed the roof stuff alone).
Tho she does keep asking about the maximum allowable NSAID dosage.

Today we are having an ice storm. There is really no way to clear ice (yay).

I say 'yay' for today - tho I imagine there will be much ice chipping in the days to come before the next scheduled storm, which I believe is Saturday.

With Ferris away I raided his room this morning. Luckily from all his years in various sports, his room is a treasure trove of ace bandages and appendage braces, not to mention all the prescription pain relief he never took (the man just fights through the pain).
By tonight we should be all wrapped up and fairly stoned.

a slippery slope

2011-01-31T09:00:00.006-05:00

Apparently there is a massive storm blowing into the area tomorrow which will bring with it several more inches of snow and then a full day of ice on top of that.
This will be very heavy. A big concern here has been snow loads on roofs.
So far most of the collapses have been flat roofed buildings and sheds. But with a storm like this coming - this could change.

We were watching the news this morning and there were reports of people falling off their roofs and ending up in the hospital all over the area.
Perhaps these people have slightly underestimated their own capabilities or maybe they have forgotten that snow and ice can be slippery.

Our old colonial farm house has a pretty steep pitch to it. This not only helps keep the snow totals lower -but carries the load better.

The problem here is our much flatter lower roof which wraps around half the house.

There is some drifting, and parts of this roof never see the sun - this has us a little concerned. Concerned enough in fact to want to do something about it.
But -with the storm on the way early tomorrow morning, it leaves us no time to hire this job out.

I am working from home today - so my arthritic wife has forbid me to do anything about this until she gets home this evening.
(tee hee)
What makes a dangerous job more fun? That's right, do it in the dark. Might even be better if we were drunk - but I have enough trouble with ladders sober, so we may pass on that.

Unfortunately I don't think we'll be able to get pictures of the project in progress... unless of course the news crews get here in time.

speechless

2011-01-27T11:21:00.005-05:00

who needs words - when you have a shovel.

It's only a matter of time

2011-01-26T12:08:00.003-05:00

We have had some melting here so the snow depths are lessening. Just after the melting came a deep freeze.
We woke up the other morning to a balmy -5°.
That freeze solidified the damp, packed snow into a couple of feet of ice.

This ice is now solid enough to hold up a person - or say... a large dog.
Our large FREE dog has figured that out and is quite pleased not to have be doing her business in the man made paths anymore.

I wonder tho - how long it will take her to figure out the fence is essentially less than two feet tall now.

No...seriously..

2011-01-21T13:47:00.005-05:00

we shoveled again this morning. apparently there's more coming on Tuesday.

I took some pictures a few days back, or was it weeks? or was it yesterday.
O well, either way I thought I might like to look back on these.
We'll just call this they year we didn't need the gym.

I should also mention our star shoveler - Ferris, is soaking up the warmth, good food and good times in Florence. He simply bought a ticket, got on a plane, and now he has a little efficiency with a roommate and he is doing some pick up work for a guy he met out there when he did study abroad last year.
He can only stay 3 months without a work visa.
He said before he got on the plane "I have three months to find a wife."

Ok - back out to widen the driveway now.

trying to shovel a path for the 90lb FREE dog

when it hit 2 feet we made the first pass at clearing.

note that our fence is 4 feet tall.

we realized after the storm that we may need to clear more snow - unless the patio was to become her outhouse.

and so we made some paths with the snowthrower.

2011-01-19T14:46:00.002-05:00

sorry... have I not been blogging?
That's because I spend all my free time shoveling snow.

The House on Elm - don't sweat the small stuff

2010-12-13T14:39:00.008-05:00

Very shortly after we moved in we needed to do some quick, nothing fancy fixes.

For one - we foolishly assumed the hideous blue tile looking stuff around the shower was in fact actual tile. Ah.. rookie mistake.
So that had to all come out.
Ok. new bathroom ..check.

When we bought our three bedroom home we asked our oldest child, then 8, to pick out her room - she chose the attic. The unfinished attic.
Slightly too short to be legal living space - but perfect for a child, we forged ahead with sheetrock and skylights. We didn't do any creative, atticy stuff like you see now in all the remodeling magazines. We just finished the room added a blue carpet (of her choice) and moved her in.
She loved that room at the top of the house. Too hot in the summer, too cold in the winter. But a child's paradise none-the-less.
In the beginning - the only access to the attic was through our room... the so called master bedroom. Which was perfect for an 8 year old. Years later we would reconfigure the hallway to allow our teen a private entrance to her space at the top of the house.

We planted a vegetable garden and a ~~some~~ trees in the vast backyard... but those piddly projects never made us work hard, sweat, bandage up, or cry... and certainly did not involve a sledgehammer.

The House on Elm - let the demo begin

2010-12-08T14:59:00.003-05:00

Below you can clearly see a snapshot into the daily lives of a happy family raising children.
There, my still-big-haired-in-the-80s-wife and our little imp have just finished planting flowers by the walkway. Ferris used to love to water flowers. Or more accurately he just loved to play with the hose.

Life was quiet and flowing.

Notice behind my adorable family the last remaining aluminum awning, being held up by rusted iron scroll work, resting on a cracked cement stoop.

...
It was a clear sunny day when I pulled into the driveway and found a sledgehammer leaning against the house in a pile of rubble that was once our cement stoop.
Huh.

I crawled up into the house to find my motherly-wife in the kitchen spooning pasta into Ferris.

"Um... we have a sledge hammer?"

She excitedly told me about how proud she was for removing the whole thing and taking down that hideous awning and now all that cracked mess is gone.
Although that would depend on how you define 'gone'.

"Um yeah...true... tho how will we get into the house now?"

blank stare.

Let's recap. Cement steps, awning and ironwork are all demo'ed into a pile of rubble conveniently mounded near the kitchen door. We have no idea how to get rid of this stuff. We have no idea of how to make new steps.

ok... this is going well.

Later that week I came home to find a long haired guy driving away in my resourceful-wife's very used Chrysler Laser. She was smiling proudly - standing on our brand new steps.

I still wonder where she got that sledge hammer.

The House on Elm - ready for baby and beyond

2010-12-06T13:30:00.011-05:00

The first years included some renovations taken on with reckless abandon. Luckily we both had a sense of humour, and were still able to drink hard liquor.

For starters, understand that we didn't take pictures of our early --hmm... I am cautious to call them home improvement projects... But I have found old shots around the house and yard that can help with the details in some cases.

For example - in this shot, which I have posted before, you can see there were striped aluminum awnings on the front and sides of the house.

These were to be removed.
Immediately.
With no knowledge of how they were attached, how to take them down - or what to do with them after.. we forcefully ripped them off the house.

My ever-round wife only able to call out advice from a safe distance.

We stood scratching our heads at the holes, and old caulk left behind. And after some requisite scratching and staring - we just walked away.

Later that spring we 'fixed' the problem by painting the door and hanging some planters.

There. Ok. Moving on.

Inside the house the nesting seemed complete with the nursery ready to go, with a crib and changing table and handmade bumpers.

By the time Ferris arrived we had finally covered the unfinished wood in the living room with a new area rug.

Another great fix. It kept us from getting splinters in our feet and gave us a place to play with the new baby.

But while it was a nice rug - the dark blue was hard to keep looking good. I spent much of that summer vacuuming.

This turned out not to be a long term problem because soon after Ferris began crawling my safety-conscience wife had us install new carpeting including the stairs. This turned out to be a wise idea. As Ferris was a rather active lad during the learning to crawl, walk, fall and bounce years.

What I didn't know of course was just how often we would redecorate.
Rugs installed, and ripped out. Wallpaper applied and removed. Paint colors changed like the seasons, we've had more sofas than most, and learned to not only set tile - but take it up as well... but I am getting ahead of myself.

I have much to cover - like where did she find that sledge hammer, and who else moves doors and windows like they are furniture....

The House on Elm - this old house

2010-12-02T13:23:00.003-05:00

With remarkable speed and very little dexterity we painted the entire house...
dreary in its offwhiteness, but clean.

As we started to get settled and make changes we began to understand that our new house was anything but new.
It was built in the early thirties by the parents of our elderly neighbor, she actually grew up in this house.

She and her husband then built the house she is in now, right next door. In fact, our house was the farm house that owned and managed the land on much of our street. Our busy double-yellow-lined road was once dirt and our neighbor, as a young girl, used to walk the cows up the hill to the north pastures. These pastures long ago sold off to build new neighborhoods.

While this is all very quaint and New Englandy we were young and stupid and knew nothing of updating or maintaining a house - let alone an OLD house.

Imagine our surprise when we ripped up the living room rug to find the entire center of the floor was unfinished wood. Unfinished 70 year old wood. Huh.
Apparently - back in the day, they only shellacked around where the edges of the area rug. Why waste good shellac under a rug.

Well - there was no way we were going to embark upon refinishing wood floors with a baby due any moment. Thank goodness for that sage moment...
So we simply measured the unfinished area, and bought a rug of optimal size.
There... problem solved.
We were feeling pretty good about ourselves during those first few weeks.
We focused much of our attention on preparing ourselves for the baby to arrive - I was reading every baby book I could find, and was pretty much ready to deliver the baby myself if the need presented.

It wasn't until several months later that I learned to hide the sledge hammer...

The House on Elm - moving in

2010-11-29T16:38:00.004-05:00

Moving day went swimmingly.
Well - as best as it could for doing the entire move using a pick up truck.
That and we weren't quite, exactly, completely packed yet.

Yes, its true. I may be overly organized now - but back in the 80's I was a bit more - let's just say spontaneous and relaxed.
(thanks again Bets, I owe you still)

Almost needless to say it was a very long day.
And my increasingly-round-wife could really do nothing more than watch.
Well...watch ... and tell us that the rugs needed to come up and the entire house needed to be painted.
NOW.
Seriously.
NOW.

Have you ever tried to reason with a woman who is 8 months pregnant?

You see, we bought our house from an old woman with one leg. Peg.
Actually - her name was Mary. But we called her Peg.
Yes, we were that immature.

Peg loved green.
We made this assumption because the entire first floor was not only painted green, but had green wall to wall carpets as well. And really ...who paints their basement green - unless you really, really like it.

Granted upstairs there was a blue room and a pink room, as well as a green one - but Peg didn't go upstairs... with the one leg and all.
In fact - Peg creatively turned the the dining room into her bedroom.
It was, of course, green, and matched her green bedspread.

All of this green needed to go. And there was clearly no time to waste with all this nesting going on.

And so - we rose early the next morning, opened all the windows to the cool March winds and started tossing carpet out of the house.

That week we painted the entire house off white. If memory serves, I believe the color was Navajo White. This was a stop gap till we could make more decorative decisions later.
For now - since the baby was coming ANY SECOND - we needed wood floors and clean walls.

The House on Elm - circa 1987

2010-11-24T09:08:00.005-05:00

It was 1987, we had just gotten past our big hair phase.

We lived in a comfortable apartment, the first floor of a small house, which had ample space for us, our 7 year old daughter and two cats. We had a fireplace, full basement, a nice porch to sit on, and upstairs neighbors with healthy libidos. We were in our mid 20's. Life was good.
Then, we got pregnant.

At first, we didn't think much of our living arrangements. My young-wife and I were both growing larger day by day -- this of course was because she would send me out to Burger King or Carvel or the grocery store in the middle of the night and be sound asleep by the time I got back with whatever her latest craving was.

We were young, ~~stupid~~ spontaneous and literally taking each day as it came.

Then came the nesting.

Are you familiar with the nesting?

wow.

And so - in her third trimester - my round-wife proclaimed

"We need a house."

Um. Ok.

This was the late eighties people. Interest rates were through the roof, houses were selling like wildfires and were totally overpriced.

We went to see houses everyday - and the ones we bid on were already sold by the time we picked up the phone.

One afternoon our realtor called and told us she had a house for us to see.
We went immediately. It was getting dark.
We walked through - we noticed the house seemed to have a kitchen and bathroom and we saw no obvious holes or missing walls. We put a downpayment on it right then.
Did we see potential?

No.

My ready-to-burst wife needed a house NOW.

This would have to do.

We went back later in the week to see just what the hell we actually bought.
It was at this time we noticed the house was somewhat ugly (notice the aluminum awnings), needed a bit of work (also the aluminum siding),
and had a back yard big enough for horses.

egad.

We're gonna need a bigger lawn mower.

moving... an iterative process

2010-11-23T12:24:00.003-05:00

We decided we wanted to move a couple years ago.

We've been here almost 23 years. That's a long time.

So I've decided to blog the 'story' of this place and the time we've been here.
I will do it in chapters - because I am lazy, and because no one really wants to read more than a paragraph or two at a time. We all have lives here.

Note this for starters...
We have not yet found a house - tho we know where we want to look.
We are actively in the process of getting ready to go on the market - thus the dumpster.
We are hoping to be ready by spring - but would like to sell mom's house first.

and for our next project...

2010-11-22T15:14:00.003-05:00

Really - what could be more fun!

Ok. The fact of the matter is this.
We are planning to move.
You know... put all our stuff into boxes, put the boxes into a truck, drive somewhere else, take the boxes out of the truck and put the stuff all back where it belongs.
The thought is daunting.
The dumpster will help.

Our motto is "Do you want to pack that?"
We plan on being ruthless.

drawing the line on cool

2010-11-11T14:35:00.002-05:00

Here at the new digs we have what's called an 'open workplace environment'.

This basically means that are cubicle walls are low enough so we can see our neighbors. Well...in my case, just the top of my head.

Our overly organized and some what ideological company gave us plenty of pamphlets, seminars and web links so that we all know how to adjust while being considerate of others in our new space.
To that end - our speaker phone buttons have been disabled, we should not partake in odorous food at our desks, we should refrain from yelling over to workmates, and we are also supposed to adopt a 'clean desk policy' - tho I am not exactly sure what that is yet. I am quite certain that I am conforming simply by default.

Every one was also issued a wireless headset.
The headset will work pretty much anywhere in the building. This allows you to pick up a call ...and if you feel it may be disruptive in any way you can simply grab your wireless laptop and step into one of several small 'conversation rooms' scattered around.

It appears that some people are rather attached to their snazzy new wireless headsets... literally. They seem to be wearing them all the time in fact.
Just this morning I noticed someone in the kitchen getting coffee with their headset on. This person didn't seem to be on a call - just sporting the headset. This got me to wondering - do these folks wear them right into the restrooms?

Perhaps we made our workplace a little too accessible.

happy meal

2010-11-08T13:12:00.003-05:00

I heard that in certain places in California - where the living is healthy, that a certain fast food chain has been asked by some watchdog groups to remove the toys from happy meals*.

The premise I gather is not to reward a child for eating over 600 calories in one sitting.

OVER 600 calories.
In one meal.
For a tiny person.

And they're gonna remove the toy?

Really.

* Fun weese fact: I actually served up the very first happy meals back in 1979 as a high school kid working at McD's. We were told it was a promotional offering and would be discontinued that fall. We hated them because we had to fold the boxes into shape. The toys were way better back then.

Friday

2010-11-05T10:02:00.005-04:00

tip-o-day

My company just moved into a brand new LEED certified and terribly posh office.
No really...its nice. Here is where I get my coffee in the morning...just one of several coffee areas in the building. It looks like a fancy hotel.

Prior to this I was working at home 4 days a week... in the attic.
So this is a step up.
Now that I have my own space to occupy I go in more often.

I spent last week bringing in all my standard cubicle accoutrement. These things include but are not limited to: box of tissues, wind up toys, lava lamp, coffee mug, lotion, advil etc.
There are still a few things still left I want to have on hand.

Today's tip ... don't wear black pants to work before you bring in your lint roller.

presbyopiating

2010-11-02T14:42:00.001-04:00

I am over 40. In fact, I am hanging on to the very threads of 40.
This means I need glasses.
Fact.
No getting around it.

I am perfectly ok with this.
I recently upgraded from the dollar store readers to proper prescription bifocals.
These have changed my life. I love being able to see... all the time. I love not having to get frustrated at the blurriness and then go pawing around for spectacles on the table, on my head, or on a string.

Being new to wearing glasses full time - I have found that there is a period of adjustment.
For example, I knew I was getting used to them when I got in the shower with them still on. I took this as a good sign.

I am also realizing, as my vision slips further into its 'opia, that it might be best to put them on a little earlier in the morning.
This way - I won't show up to work wearing clothes with tears or stains on them. I might also have a better chance at buttoning correctly.

t.p.

2010-11-01T15:58:00.002-04:00

I overhead some people at the store today complaining about kids toilet papering their trees.
Personally - it's one of my favorite things this time of year.

Ferris mastered the toss and release at an early age. I used to supply him with several rolls each year. He also understood the importance of balance and placement. Select your site for the aesthetic. Be sure to get good coverage, but don't clump all in one tree.

Really what's not to love. The kids get to have fun - they feel like they are doing something mischievous. It's looks fabulous, and clean up is a breeze - just wait.

thanks

2010-10-13T08:43:00.002-04:00

Thank you all for your kind wishes, your gentle emails and your warm hugs (real and virtual).

and so it goes...

2010-10-05T15:33:00.005-04:00

We have been camped out at mom's house for 2 months. You can see the current puzzle on the table. My clever wife bought a bunch of puzzles and invited everyone to participate including the nurses and aides and anyone else who stopped by.
Also you can catch a glimpse of her mattress there propped against the wall. The first time we tried the hospital bed with her was ...well lets just say a fiasco... that time we had the mattress stored away neatly in the basement.
The second time was in haste, and so the mattress sits.
Mom said just two days ago in her haze... I want my dining room back.

sorry for the fuzzy photos. but i am blogging from the computer seen in the pic above on mom's dining room table, and using my cell phone to snap photos.

Ann 'Annie' M. Tilbe DeSiero-Guerrera

3.17.1933 - 10.5.2010

(yeah.. I used all all her real names - screw anonymity)

pump it up

2010-10-02T12:51:00.002-04:00

yesterday we had a little pump installed.
whew.

no more math.
this snazzy little contraption drips in a constant flow of morphine.
mmm, morphine.
they used her power port - easy peasy.

it even has a little red button for breakthrough pain - (which we are using more than we thought we might, and so the pump is actually being adjusted to a higher dose right now).
the button rocks. no measuring. no spilling. and clean up is a breeze!
plus you can push it as many times as you want without worry.
it knows.
oh... and so do we. we know what this means.

I was an art major

2010-09-28T11:42:00.004-04:00

One of the main reasons I became an art major was to avoid math.
It was all working swimmingly until I got out of school...and needed to do math.

I don't struggle so much anymore - generally speaking...

My most recent math lessons have been in the concentrations of liquid medications.

A liquid medication is prescribed in milligrams, and is measured in concentrations of milligrams(mg) per milliliter(ml).

When a medication prescribed at 20mg per 1ml, and the dose is 20mg per hour then you can measure and administer 1ml of liquid each hour.
Easy right.

Ok so lets say you need to increase the pain medication, but your patient is having trouble with liquids - so instead of increasing the amount of liquid given - you can simply use a higher concentration.

Still easy right.

But let's say now... now you get a concentration of 50mg per ml. But your prescribed amount has only increased by 5 mg.
Well now - that's very different. In fact, its more than double the potency but not double the dose.
Well...now that's something you want to pay attention to.
Because if you were to give the old dose of 1ml per hour...well that would be bad.
That would be very bad.

And let's also say that the pharmacy who supplied you with this really high concentration of this tightly controlled substance decided to put it into the same color bottle as a different medication where the dosage is 4ml. Well now that would be worse than bad. I think that would be instantaneous.

Let's add to the mix that four, count 'em four - non-medical family members are the ones dosing this stuff out.
Well whoooo weee... don't lick your fingers.

(later I will post some pics of the measures I put into place to try and avoid mistakes)

Second string

2010-09-27T12:01:00.004-04:00

On the weekends we deal with subs - we don't have our A-team of nurses and doctors around.

This weekend we were visited by a nurse that's not only unfamiliar with our case but is new to hospice.
Let's just say it turned out to be a learning experience for everyone.

So I get a call from my sister-in-law on Sunday that this nurse is planning to call an ambulance and transfer my mother to the hospital.
Um.
What.

I get on the phone with the hospice nurse --to explain how hospice works.

The conversation went something like this:
me: "If we transport her to the hospital what will they do there?"

nurse: "well ...there are procedures, surgery..blah blah."

me: "Um, we're on hospice - she is DNR. We don't want surgery or any invasive procedure."

nurse: "Well they can do tests to see what we are dealing with."

me: "First, we know what we are dealing with." duh.
"And why would we do tests when we are not going to do treatment."

nurse: "The doctor said based on [my examination and findings] that we need to transport her."

me: "What doctor?"

nurse: "Well, I couldn't reach her primary so its the on-call."

Great a non-hospice doctor, unfamiliar with our case.

This nonsense went on for awhile until we finally got a doctor we know on the phone who stopped the madness.

In the meantime - mom is sitting in her chair, the Patriots game is one, the whole family is milling around her, the nurse is shrilling on the phone with a doctor, and we are squirting liquid morphine into mom's mouth as quickly as she will let us.

A short time later we all breathe a sigh of relief...
The nurse had left. The Patriots had won. The morphine started to work. And mom starts her familiar babbling. [she basically talks endlessly when she is awake.]

Suddenly mom says:
"Hey, you know.. its been a pretty good day hasn't it?"

Yes. We all laughed... and of course, agreed with her.

Today is two days later

2010-09-25T10:00:00.002-04:00

Thursday evening we were able to get Mom out to her favorite recliner for one last time. It took three of us to get her back into her bed that night.

My soft spoken wife read to her from Jonathan Livingston Seagull with classical music playing quietly in the background (tho she had originally wanted to put on the 80's station).

As we got Mom back into her wheelchair for the trip to the bedroom- she gathered her scattered thoughts and said,
"Ok, so then tomorrow morning I can get in line"

shortly after,
"It'll all be over in two days"

Then,
"I'm afraid of being alone"

To which my wife responded,
"well, we can do it together."

"No, we can't."

So... we'll see. We'll put on the Notre Dame game and we'll just see.

quote of the day

2010-09-24T21:48:00.002-04:00

"Robert Mondavi hallowed be thy name."

Seriously, I can't make this up. And who is that guy who got a TV show based on shit his Dad said...

We are keeping our sense of humor here. One must.
Personally, I am not a big fan of the Mondavi's - but no one quotes me.

cheers.

"Does Jesus have bezoars?"

2010-09-23T12:13:00.004-04:00

We are trying to answer that and other questions.
Luckily the chickens are in the coup, and my brother sat up all night with a shotgun in hand to make sure they were safe.

Have you heard of 'terminal restlessness'.

whew.
it's tiring.

Friday

2010-09-17T11:22:00.003-04:00

tip-o-day

Let's just say you have a friend you haven't talked to in a month or so - and you decide to give a call and check in. First - if a relative answers the phone you may want to brace yourself.
If your conversation goes like this:

"Oh hi Kathy (cousin)"

some polite small talk...then stream of consciousness:

"I take care of two little baby girls. I'm hoping to keep their dreams on! We're in the process of making baby burrows to keep them warm. I have enough yarn; I've measured. Little bowl of catholic babies. I'm going to get some strips of furniture and cut them (I don't know how good they will be) but they will keep the babies bottom warm! Let's see how the rumpled-strumpskin in little black boxes are gonna look like! I don't know how this is gonna progress, but we're gonna give it a shot!"

Just roll with it.
mmk

Oh and also - if you have been told that your dear friend has terminal cancer is and is currently in a hospice program. You might want to rethink writing 'hope you get well soon' on the card attached to that lovely arrangement.

the imagery of death

2010-09-13T14:04:00.005-04:00

Last evening, after telling my brother she was tired and he should leave so that she could sleep - my mother had her caregiver call him back to the house.
When he returned - she confessed to killing some rabbits. I am unclear whether these were the same rabbits I had removed the other day.

Perhaps we are seeing a pattern here.
While my brother is disturbed by the behaviour, I rather think she is trying to tell us something ... muddled through her dementia.

We are familiar with the usual apparitions of those approaching death.
They may see previously deceased loved ones - even pets. Angels may appear to them. Or they may relive parts of their past or childhood.

We have experienced many of these over the last several weeks.

My mother asking her granddaughter if she had any confessions to Papa, who was there with her ('Papa', my mothers 3rd and 4th husband (a story for another time) died in 2001 of pancreatic cancer under my mothers care).
Lucy the cat has visited.

This weekend she wanted to jump on her bike and ride into town for some ice cream.
I told her she could go tomorrow ...because it was already too close to dark.

There have been many references to riding a bus. At first it was the sensation of climbing stairs. Then it became apparent the stairs led to a bus. She didn't really want to be on the bus - and so has gotten off each time. Is the bus her way of getting to the 'next place'? Why does she keep getting off? Is there unfinished business?

She has spoken of sleeping in a tree. The most comfortable tree you could imagine and no matter which way you tossed and turned it was delightfully soft and welcoming.

At one point in her illness she was so uncomfortable with pain and sickness that my spiritual wife and I wished for her peace and comfort.
We decided on a traditional ritual of writing a blessing, wish or prayer on paper and burning it in prayer.

the note reads "stay on the bus, it takes you to the tree." and we added a piece of sage to burn for good energy and space clearing. And yes, that ashtray is from the 80's.

And now...we have the odd fate of these rabbits and horses. Why is she killing them? Why does she need to confess this... first to my wife and I, and then to my brother?
Clearly something is causing distress.
I spent some time with her yesterday afternoon assuring her that we were all fine. That we were all ready. That she was being cared and that she was in no way a burden to any of us.

I am determined to find what is so disturbing. I am hoping to help her find peace.
She told me yesterday that she is not afraid. Well.... except for the Beezores...

horses and rabbits oh my

2010-09-11T08:22:00.004-04:00

And yet again we find that just when you think things have smoothed out...

I spent Friday working from mom's spare room again - we are back over there almost full time until we get the aide situation in a steady groove. Changes in schedule or caregivers cause disruptions and disruptions can lead to anxiety.

Mom did not rest at all during the day yesterday. She was very fidgety. She also has developed a strong desire to take off her shirt. We constantly tell her not to ...and she giggles.

When she tried to lay down for a nap she kept sitting up... finally the aide called me in because mom needed to talk about something.

"ok, so what is the procedure?"
"um...the procedure for what, mom."
"for getting rid of all these rabbits"
"ah...well we can just shoosh them away...like this" waving arms to shoosh rabbits.
"no, that's not going to work"
"ok. I have a friend who removes rabbits. he can come with his truck and take them away"
"good! how long will that take?"
"about and hour, it takes about an hour to remove this many rabbits"

Later that afternoon I assured her the rabbits had been removed to a rabbit farm and were settling in nicely. She seemed pleased.

When I left her that evening she was in the capable hands of Inez.
So when the phone rang at 10p.m. we knew.... if Inez is calling - something is wrong.

Inez explain mom had been very agitated for hours over horses, and was unable to rest. I told her we would be right over.
When we got there -Inez had mom in her wheelchair (this is now one of the few places she will sit still and not fidget to the point of falling). We were pleased to see at least she had her shirt on.
She confided in us that she had killed a small horse. That she didn't have a choice because of something the horse had been doing to her. Many of her sentences don't string together so it was hard to really get a handle on the exact nature of the horses death.
It is because hired aides cannot give PRN medications that we were called in to deal with this. My ever-so-patient and soft-spoken wife gloved up and gently rubbed a Haldol gel into mom's wrists. Haldol is an anti-psychotic drug - and the gel makes it work quickly and is less intrusive than trying to get her to take a pill in this state.
We continued to talk to her calmly and sort out the horse issues. As the drug took effect she calmed and became sleepy. Inez was finally able to get her into bed. We were home before midnight. No more calls.

And today ... well today is another day.

...and finally we are caught up

2010-09-09T12:23:00.006-04:00

09/06: with the competent aide Inez in place, my giddy-wife and I venture out on Monday - memorial day. We visit a couple friends and drive around in her convertible with the top down. We are delighted. We are rejoicing in our afternoon. We think we may have found a good solution.

09/07: Tuesday has its ups and downs - but in general a very good day. Mom folds laundry with Inez and its the highlight of their day. We are feeling better and better about the live-in aide idea.

09/08: Wednesday - shift change - the proverbial shit hits the fan.
we end up firing two aides that day, now the agency is scrambling to fill in. I do think we had a bad fit with one aide. But mom is paranoid and frightened now and so confused that she can no longer tell reality from her delusions.

While I was covering in between aides I had this conversation with her.
"Mom, what do you think about going to live at a place where there are other people like you, and where you would not be alone and there would be nurses there all the time?"
"You mean ...like a retirement farm?"
"yes!, just like that - there would be other retired people there."
"That would be expensive"
"Nope, its free! You can go whenever you like."
"Well who would feed the horses?"
"Um.. the horse feeders - that's their job"
"But its very expensive to feed horses. And how many horses would there be?"
"Not sure mom, but don't worry - the feeders buy all the horse food."
"Wow! that must be some place! Too bad Madeline isn't alive, she would love it."
(Madeline is a friend who is very much alive.)

We had an aide come in last night to do the overnight and my mother told me that she was trying to twist her. I was there. There was no twisting of any sort. We are beginning to wonder if we can leave her alone with any one.

Today my care-taking-wife is there with mom and her aide. She has been sending me updates throughout the day.
She is still using a walker - but can no longer back up. When you tell her to back up, she goes forward.
When asked today how many children she had she answered "Tuesday"
She keeps trying to take her shirt off.
Phrase of the day "swirly whirly"!

catching up

2010-09-09T08:19:00.007-04:00

Things are still moving at break neck pace here - so I am going to speed up my recap by simply hitting the highlights by date. I have gone back through our records and charts to put some of this stuff together. (spelling, grammar punctuation and capitalization be damned).

08/09: we started charting - meds, input/output at times, and sometimes notes from the day.

08/11: she went on Continuous Care for uncontrolled nausea, dizziness and pain management.

08/13: we upped her methadone to 3 times a day (aka. q8)

08/18: we met with a private agency to discuss overnight care. mom sat in on that meeting and had a lucid discussion.

08/19: mom was getting more and more unsteady with the walker (can't remember when she started with the walker exactly) and had a fall with my svelte-wife trying to catch her. they both went down (mom outweighs my wife by 50 lbs). everyone is ok - just scrapes and bruises. luckily our hospice nurse was in the house at the time.

08/23: tucking mom into bed she stops me to ask
"If a fish is nibbling on my blanket and I slap him in the face, will he stop?"
I answered "of course."

08/24: we meet the new night time aides and one starts that night. we spent the night to make sure it all goes ok, hoping we can soon start sleeping at home again.
Somewhere in here we start using a wheelchair.

08/25: Mom vomits in the afternoon. This is particularly bad...because she is vomiting as a result of a bowel obstruction. I am alone with her at the time and luckily have my cell in my pocket. I call hospice and my close-by wife. My quick-wife is there within 10 minutes. The on-call nurse is there within the hour. Mom goes back on Continuous Care.

08/26: Somewhere in here we start Decadron (steroid) as an anti-inflammatory. This improves Mom's physical condition over the next couple days. But she seems rather confused. She is having trouble with the phones and tv remote.
More of her meds are becoming scheduled. she now takes methadone, zofran (for nausea), ativan, decadron /q8; meclizine q/12; and her colace and miralax daily.
(did you know that all opiates and narcotics cause consitpation?..sometimes severe. so that means...that drug addicts are constipated. shame really. they could enjoy their drugs so much more if they paid more attention to bowel health.)

08/28: With round the clock care, and help from all of us we actually get Mom outside of her house for the first time in weeks to watch the motorcycles ride by.
The CT United Ride goes right by her house. This year there were about 2500 motorcycles.
here is mom and her aide waiting in great anticipation.

08/29: Mom is starting to refuse to take medications. She wants to write out her orders, she wants confirmation that we are dispensing the right meds. I walked in this afternoon to find my wife and the hospice aide had moved all the furniture out of the way so mom could fit her wheelchair into the spare room to review her medical records from the past couple months. At the time I got there she was already almost 2 hours late on her meds and sitting at the desk writing out each medication in detail.
I called the agency to arrange for 24/7 care. Its now become too difficult for us to handle. We are burnt out, we've not worked full days in a month and mom is uncomfortable with the amount of personal care we now need to provide.

08/31: Continuous Care stops. Mom is very confused. We are helping her to dial the phone.

09/01: Mom's next door neighbor stops by while my caring-wife is on duty. She's recently had a stroke and can't button her shirt, and is looking for some help.
Gotta love life in the retirement village.

09/02: Mom can no longer differentiate the phone from the remote. She cannot dial numbers even when she is told which number to press. We spent a few long minutes with me saying:
press 2... she presses 2
press 0... she presses 7
ok lets start over.
press 2... she presses 2
press 0... she presses 8
ok lets try again
press 2... she presses 2
press 0... she presses 0
press 3... she presses 7

09/03: She tries to document her meds for the day. She can no longer write.

09/05: Inez comes. She is our first full time aide and will stay from Sunday - Wednesday. Skeptical at first, we grow to love Inez. She clearly has experience with dementia.

...

week 2

2010-09-03T10:40:00.004-04:00

Week two is a blur now. It was chaos. We were completely unorganized and not ready for things to change on a day by day basis.
We were writing down meds on scraps of paper and notepads all over the house. Hospice had fedex'ed in a whole bunch of new medications and supplies.

An important point to note and another recurring theme ... Mom is a retired RN.
Each new hospice person that walked into the house would say - ahh so this is the retired RN -- with a knowing glance.
This meant that every new medication was up for discussion and research and plotting and planning.
Initially this was ok. Mom had her reasons and she was lucid and concerned.
But it delayed her getting started on much needed, longer acting pain medications.
The up and down cycle of the percosets is not conducive to long term pain management.

We finally talked her into trying a long term (3 days) low dose (25mg) fentanyl patch for pain. The patch was started on my wife's shift. Mom and she had a good laugh as the two of them tried to figure out how to get this tiny, little, sticky, clear patch out of its packaging and onto mom's arm. Laughing is good. We are thankful for the times we have been able to laugh this month.

Unfortunately, a day later her pain, nausea and dizziness had us contacting the on-call nurse late Sunday night on August 8th. This is a great thing about Hospice. They will send a nurse if you need one. Anytime.

It was a hellish night ... mom was curled up in bed as we all waited in the kitchen, we paced, we drank coffee, we drank wine - we would have smoked if anyone had cigarettes, damn I miss the 80's sometimes.

At some point while waiting for the nurse we had the bright idea to remove the pain patch. This helped tremendously.
An RN finally arrived around midnight. She did an on the spot foley cath to relieve pressure and got Dr's orders to switch pain meds.

That was when we first started taking shifts spending the night over there.
We also came up with a plan to spend most days over there as well, with my ever-patient wife and I sharing the day / night shift initially.

We were so not prepared for so much to happen so fast. We were just trying to keep up.

On the 9th I designed (the first of many versions) a simple excel template to chart medications and symptoms. This made it easier for us to change shifts and keep track of the ever changing medications.

By the 11th, when her regular RN came for her scheduled visit she walked in and took one look at her and put mom on Continuous Care**. This was to help get her symptoms under control and to have an nurse on site while we started new meds.

That evening, with nurses staying the night, we started mom on Methadone.
Having overnight nurses also allowed us to come home and get some sleep... at least for a couple nights, while during the day my technically-employed-wife and I were able to work right from mom's spare room. (we both work for wonderfully family oriented supportive companies.)

By the 13th - her methadone was upped to 5MGs/q8. Zophran was added as a scheduled med as well to control nausea.

**Continuous Care is when hospice identifies a medical need to have 24 hour care in the home lead by a nursing staff.

the recap

2010-09-01T11:30:00.004-04:00

Before I forget everything that's happened over the last month ... these next few posts are mostly for me.
Then again... what isn't really.

week 1.
We waited almost a week after the laprascopy to see mom's oncologist. He had been on vacation. We already knew the news was not good, and mom was getting weaker by the day.
So much so in fact, that the day before her oncologist appointment, on August 2nd - she signed herself up for hospice care. Yeah...that's mom. This will become a common theme -- mom is in charge.

With great anticipation we sat and waiting for the doctor (me, mom and my SIL).
He came in completely unprepared! He had not looked at her test results and was not ready with a prognosis or plan of treatment. Apparently, his staff did not update him.
Almost needless to say the three of us were pretty hard on him for this. We had been waiting...sick with anticipation only to have him walk into the room and say ...so how are you?

He became a bit defensive after that... he left the room for a short while and examined the results.
He came back and said...this is very serious...duh - but still suggested palliative chemo. I really got the feeling he was shooting from the hip.

Mom has had plenty of chemo to know that the side effects along with her weakening condition were not how she wanted to spend her remaining time.
She decided not to get treatment.
We went home, and met with our hospice team.

Their first order of business was to get her pain and nausea under control. At that time mom was on percoset q4, causing an up and down roller coaster of pain.

learning to be present

2010-08-31T08:55:00.003-04:00

It has been my recent practice to learn to be more present in my life. For some people presence is disturbed by their past - for me its mostly future. My mind is generally several steps ahead of reality. This causes me to lose the moment. And so I have been very consciously trying to stay in the moment.
To enjoy the moment.
To be the moment.
Our lives are made up of moments.
Even those moments that we consider in between the moments of our lives.
They are all moments.

We, my family, have been given an opportunity to learn how to be in the moment. This can be done simply by changing the moment so often and in such varied, unforeseen ways that planning is simply not possible. That being present is your only choice.
It's kinda like taking a summer course - the learning has been consolidated into a very short and demanding amount of time.
In this case, one month.

I stopped blogging at that point, one month ago, and I shouldn't have. Blogging is my diary, my journal and often my memory.
So now, for me... I blog.

In late July my giddy wife and I made plans to visit Ptown for a couple days to celebrate our 25th anniversary. The timing ended up being not very good - tho we didn't know that when we made our reservations back in the winter.

My mother, as I have mentioned only once or twice here, has been dealing with cancer since March of last year. This past winter, after chemo and radiation, she was dubbed in remission - tho pain and other symptoms continued to bother her. She persisted in going to doctors for tests and procedures whose outcomes proved nothing. She was getting frustrated.

By the time we were packing our bags (not too many bags, it was a short trip...but hey... it was Ptown, so I of course would need several pairs of shoes ... none of them being sneakers...but that is a story for another time) my mothers pain level had escalated to a point where they were going to finally look inside. She had had a scan which showed "something" and they would now do a laproscopic biopsy to look inside.

Just before we left, my mother assured us she would be fine and to go and have a good time. In fact, she drove herself to get pre-procedure blood work that afternoon.
That was July 24th.

Her results were not good. All the previous scans and blood work somehow hid the truth.
We came home a day early and went to pick her up at the hospital. She was sore, but walked to car, got in and we whisked her home.
That was July 28th.

Today is August 31st.
My mother is wheelchair bound, cannot figure out how to dial her own phone, she cannot bathe or bathroom herself... and asked me yesterday why there was no food service at this place (her home).

It's been a month.

We have been present everyday.

please hold this space

2010-08-23T23:40:00.001-04:00

we have been busy.
we are doing something hard.
something i don't necessarily recommend for the faint of heart.
hold, please.

Friday

2010-07-23T12:22:00.003-04:00

tip-o-day

For those of us who don't water their lawns, this dry, hot summer has wreaked havoc on our grass. Large portions of my lawn look brown and dead.

This is fine, the lawn will spring back - but its also an opportunity for crabgrass to move in quickly.
Normally, I am not so concerned with crabgrass because it is an annual weed and can be controlled as such. However, there are steps you can take to prevent it from taking over your lawn.

While most people are familiar with putting down a crabgrass preventative in the spring, it can also be a good idea to reapply during these hazy days of summer.
For this second application, use a crabacide with no fertilizer. The formulations we use early in the season would simply stress the grass at this time of year.

This is an easy application and can be put down any time of the day with no worries about rain.
I suggest doing it on an afternoon just prior to cocktail hour.

More fun with science

2010-07-20T12:12:00.007-04:00

Ok, kids today we will learn about velocity and mass.

How fast does a vehicle need to be travelling(V) to move an object of a specific weight (M) a certain distance (D)?

To test this equation - someone drove through our stone wall last evening, how convenient.
Let's review that sentence.
The key phrases are 'drove through' and 'stone wall'.

Please view the test data below. Note that we were not home at the time of the incident (rats).

Here is the scene:

The most likely approach (V):

Gaping hole:

Hmm, the gaping hole seems to be approximately the size of a midsized Toyota:

My flipflop included to show size of a moved object(M):

Distance (D):

wow.

Oops - I heard some news

2010-07-13T12:36:00.003-04:00

When I take the long commute into the office once a week or so I tune to the local news station to grab a traffic report so I can choose my route.

Sometimes... inadvertently I end up hearing some of the news.

This morning I heard some thick headed, dimwitted Yoga instructors have applied for a U.S. Patent on their yoga positions.

Seriously.

I am so embarrased to be an American.

nature... it plays with us

2010-07-08T15:50:00.007-04:00

One afternoon last week my able-bodied wife and I were in the back yard collecting some branches and limbs for the fire-pit we planned to light later that night.
As I was bending over to pick up sticks I saw a squirrel tail...with the rest of the body tucked under some overgrowth.
I protectively grabbed my distracted wife's arm and held her back.
'Stand back!' I declared, pointing to the tail end of the deceased animal.

Feeling all bravado from saving my wife - I went to get a shovel to bury the poor little guy. I bury any animals I may find around the yard, or those that our pets may have killed. After so many years here we now have a pretty full cemetery of birds, mice and chipmunks, and the like. I feel it's the proper Christian thing to do. Even tho I myself and not a religious person - far be it for me to judge anyone elses faith. I also make it a point to get them into the ground before dusk... should they be Jewish.

As I grabbed the shovel off its hook, I wondered off-handedly why the FREE dog hadn't found this little treasure yet. Seemed odd. O well.

I had some trouble digging the hole - kept running into roots and rocks. After 3 attempts I finally had a hole that satisfied my needs.
So I returned to the dead animal to scoop it up.
Seemed light as I slid the shovel under him. This was odd...the fur looked fresh so it could not have been there long - I would have expected a little more heft.
As I pulled it out of its hiding spot I noticed that the fur was in remarkable shape, and wait... is that eye actually open! Wait a minute wait a minute - whats with the stitches on the paws, and is it leaking... stuffing...
Doh.

To the point

2010-07-08T11:16:00.003-04:00

I am often rather direct. This can hurt people's feelings.
It is not intended to do so. Nor does it bother me when it does.
That's really just your own mind games - and has nothing to do with what I am saying or doing. But I suppose that in and of itself is a whole 'nother post.

So - to the point then.

If you are currently watering your lawn, or washing your car, or perhaps rinsing off the driveway - please stop.
It's rude, selfish and unnecessary most of the time, but even more so while we are having a dry heat wave.

Thank you.

Science time!

2010-07-06T16:07:00.006-04:00

Not too long ago we studied the melting point of chocolate here in my warm attic office.

Luckily I have an air conditioner up here with me today.
I can now eat chocolate freely.

For today's melting experiments:

What is the melting point of candle wax?

anyone...anyone...

From further data we can hypothesize that it's lower than that of a large, black, FREE dog*.

Let's get this into perspective - shall we -

*she went out there willingly... never said she was bright.
also - yes the grass is dead. I like to call it summer dormancy.

the end of an era?

2010-06-24T13:20:00.006-04:00

I have just found out that the Cedar Brook Cafe will be closing.
It is rumoured to be the oldest gay bar in the nation.
Tho somehow I doubt that.
It is old. And in seriously rough shape.

It was old and in rough shape when I was going there, and that folks was in the 80's.

I started going when I was in college.
It was my first gay bar.
I was a regular.
I was there on Fridays and Saturdays, made most Sunday T's, and even went on the occasional Thursday.
There was a good crowd there back then. Lots of wonderfully good looking women, and the men were handsome, buff, tan and great dancers.

I dated the bouncer for a time, and the bartender always had my Michelob ready before I even made it over to the bar.
Back in those days, I never went with anyone - tho I rarely left alone. I eschewed the dance floor and ran the pool table. I flirted, I drank, I cheated*, I smoked, I dated several woman at once...
oh the good times.
ah to be young.

Years later, hmm, well...not many years later - still in my 20's I started dating a terribly attractive woman.
Some of our first dates were at the Cedar Brook Cafe, we called it The Brook.
Turns out we would go there for several years together. I gave up running the pool table so that I could dance with this lovely lady.
Clearly, I was rather smitten.
In fact, I think we stopped going mostly because of the birth of our second child.

And so this rugged little bar has many fond memories for me... for us.

They are having a closing party this Saturday night.
We talked about going, my AARP member-wife and I. But I think we'll pass.

The Brook was our place.
A long time ago.
I'll let it stay that way in my heart and in my memory.

We've lived a whole life since then.
It's not our place anymore - it belongs to a younger, firmer crowd.
We'll let them sweep up and lock the door.

Cheers.

* never at pool

How Showtime broke my heart

2010-06-22T12:38:00.002-04:00

Look - let's be frank here, most everything on television today is just awful.
C'mon - admit it.
Even if you are addicted to it. It’s bad.
I mean… some people are addicted to Big Macs, right? Well, this proves you can be addicted to crap.

That said - we have been pleased to find some clever, entertaining programming on the big cable networks. While it's not Emerson - it's not Dancing with the Stars or C.S.I. AnyTown.

Nurse Jackie has been a delight this year. I have enjoyed the last several seasons of Weeds, Dexter and of course the classics - Sopranos, 6 Feet Under.

Even though it had its critics, I have always been a staunch supporter of the LWord.
So many middle American lesbians complained that it was too far fetched and that these gorgeous women couldn't possibly represent our population. Which is of course exactly what I loved about the show.
It's why I watch television.
Think about it.. do you live next door to Tony Soprano, how about Nancy Botwin or how about Dexter Morgan (well I suppose that’s somewhat possible in a scary, freaky way).

No.

It's TV people. Why watch real life on TV? If you want to watch real life, get the hell out of your armchair.

So... Showtime has now come out with a new show called The 'Real' LWord.
The show claims to be about 'real' lesbians living in Los Angeles.
I was skeptical - but hopeful. It is cable, after all.

So we watched last night.

Keeping in mind the things I loved about the original show -- which were its impossibly attractive cast, the outlandish predicaments they got themselves into, and the tangled web of sex, love and well....sex -- I am sorry to report that I can't even begin to critique this show.

It's simply overwhelming.

I will tell you this. We pressed 'Stop' followed by 'Delete' less than half way through the first show.

Could it be the universe telling me to get the hell out of my armchair?
I'll take that hint.

what would your super power be?

2010-06-15T12:25:00.002-04:00

We were sitting around the table last night with Ferris and one of his friends enjoying a glass of Cabernet in the gloaming.
As often happens, the conversation drifted to what would you want your super power to be.

Ferris berated his friend, a petite flower of a girl - who thought being a fairy replete with pixie dust would be her choice. He said it was completely impractical.

Ferris wants to be able to turn his skin to steel - which he believes to be much more useful. Especially if say... there were zombies roaming around.
He also desires the ability to throw any object with precision accuracy and lethal force. Tho this he says is more of a practiced skill than an actual super power.

For my super power I chose a fast metabolism.

:)

Birds of a feather

2010-06-14T16:26:00.004-04:00

We went to see La Ca ge aux Fol les on Broad way this weekend.

Fantastic.

I can't say enough good things about the show, and also ...the day, our lunch, the bottle of prosecco we had with lunch, the wine we had in Bryant Park after the show, the weather, the Two Boots pizza slice and ice cold Bud I had on the train ride home... really all in all a spectacular day.

Our seats were quite nice. 3 rows from the stage. We were pleased.

At intermission a woman and her friend, about my mothers age, sitting behind us were just glowing about the show. One of the women was from the mid-west and told us she saw the very first one on Broadway in the 80's. In fact she sees all the Broadway shows.
She was very cute.

The show ends on a touching high note and the whole audience is kinda charged up. Very fun.
Again we turned to chat with the women sitting behind us. They could not say enough nice things about the show, and that it was so much better than the other production.

The midwest woman asked where I was from... and we exchanged pleasantries. Then they turned to my wife and asked where she was from. I cut in and said - she's my wife.
The women glowed.

"Oh! That's wonderful!"
"How long have you been married?" They asked excitedly.

I explained we were married just over a year, tho we had over 25 years together. I went on to tell them about our grown children that one was near 30 now... and our son just out of college...

They were practically giddy.

The woman from the midwest again went on to say how much she loved the show and the day and that we... my wife and I...

"You two are the icing on my the cake today!"

We all hugged and parted ways... everyone feeling the glow of the day.

ants

2010-06-10T15:20:00.004-04:00

We've been here in our house a long time. Luckily we moved in about a month before Ferris was born - so its always easy to remember how long we have been here.

Here we are on the day we moved in, all twenty-something and naive.
You can't really tell from this picture, but my round-wife is very pregnant. Doncha just love the flash-dance leggings and socks.

See the aluminum awning. My very-pregnant-nesting-wife made me take it down that very afternoon. We also ended up pretty much ripping off the front room and re-doing it.
Not to mention we have moved almost every window and door in the house over all these years...there's new siding, new roof, new furnace, new... don't even get me started on how my wife moves shrubs like they are folding chairs.

Ah.... I digress.

Being in one place for such a long time gives you the opportunity to see trends.
Over the years I have noticed that each summer season there is a plant and insect and and animal that seem to swell in numbers.

Last year we had this most pervasive weed ... It was easy enough to eradicate from the lawn and gardens, but I feared for the wildflowers and grasses out in our meadow. Remarkably, this year its practically non-existent.
Then there was the year we had so many so many slugs there was slug slime everywhere.
We put out cups and cups of beer that year. Oddly, Free Dog also put on about 5 pounds that summer. They too have all but disappeared.
huh.

This year, it ants. They are everywhere. I was sweeping the front walk and the next thing I knew my leg was swarmed. I was cutting the side lawn and noticed it looked like the ground was moving there was so many of them.
ick.

So ...while I may shepperd a single bug out of the house on scrap of paper or toss them one out the bathroom window in a cup... somehow I make peace with the mass genocide of the hose end sprayer.
go figure.

i so dislike the grid

2010-06-09T13:33:00.002-04:00

Last week I took down my Facebk page.
Sorry to all you people out there who love it.

I find it utter nonsense, best left to the high schoolers it was designed for.

I have heard many people say that they use it to keep in touch with family and friends, which is great -if that's what works for you.
I don't generally want to know what anyone is doing every minute. If I want to catch up with you I very much prefer to see you in person - speak to you, look into your eyes, wrap my arms around you - yes, I'm a hugger.

I certainly don't want people from my past dredging me up because they have nothing better to do than surf the web. If I wanted to stay in touch... well...

The whole friending/un-friending thing sounds simply ghastly.

So its gone.

You can still get in touch with us in several ways:

We have a house phone and are listed in the phone book. That phone has an answering machine. If we are not home - please leave us a message.

I actually have a cell phone (my way-off-the-grid wife does not) tho I use that primarily for work. If I am not at work or travelling its most likely in a drawer - and so I would advise sticking to the house phone.

Please feel free to post a letter to me. How I miss letters.

I also respond to email, as I am not completely off the grid. I rather like email in that I can read it when I get around to it, and can respond at my leisure. It's not unlike a letter in my mail box, except less tactile. Keep in mind - I don't usually check email on the weekends.

Ah but there is always the house phone...

In other news

2010-06-07T09:32:00.005-04:00

more happenings from the break

This strapping young man not only turned 22 - but ....

Friday

2010-06-04T16:05:00.002-04:00

tip-o-day

It's Friday afternoon.
Grab a refreshing drink and go outside.

Breathe.

while i was away...

2010-06-03T10:27:00.003-04:00

Some milestones passed while I was not blogging.

I will jot them down- lest I forget.

First, I am now married to a bonafide member of the AARP.
(and yes...it's the same woman I have always been married to).

She was giddy when she got her membership card in the mail.

Happy Birthday (in April) my love.

Hey...where is my flyover?

2010-06-01T10:48:00.002-04:00

We went to TWO Memorial Day parades this weekend.
TWO!
We sat through endless Brownies, Cub Scouts, Daisy Girls and lots and lots of Shriners in little vehicles.
And not ONE flyover.
No jets.
No Blackhawks.

nada.

sheesh.

what would weese do?

2010-05-27T11:32:00.005-04:00

freak little storm blew threw here last night and limbed this pear tree.

The answer that is poised on your lips is... she would go get her chainsaw and have that taken care of by lunch time.

But you know what?
weese is tired.
We have dozens of trees and have had many limbs come down over the 22 years we've been here.
It's heavy work.

Meh.

All this butchy yard work was fun at one time.
It's getting old now.
Or wait... maybe that's me.

I think instead of picking up my saw, I'll pick up the phone.

Highs in the lower 90's

2010-05-26T09:37:00.005-04:00

I haven't had the chance to pick up that little room sized A/C that would fit nicely into my office window here.
Here in the attic.
Today should be interesting.

I have a little piece of Dove chocolate on my desk.
Currently, at 9:30 E.S.T., its 70 degrees in here and the chocolate is nice and firm.

Let's check back in later...shall we.

-------------------------------------------------------
1:00 p.m. update
It's actually not too uncomfortable up here.
It's 77 degrees, and I have a fan going.

However, my chocolate is getting soft.
(notice the indent where I pressed my finger)

-------------------------------------------------------
3:37 p.m. update
temperature has reached 85°.

Did you know chocolate melts at 85°?

(clearly not swiss chocolate, Sage)

Let sleeping dogs lie

2010-05-25T12:08:00.002-04:00

When we last left the FREE dog she was passed out from exhaustion after spending a couple days with the babies.
Since that time the babies have been back for another weekend stay!

They change so quickly at this age, and now that the girls are getting older their food selection has become even more palatable to the FREE dog. Not only that - but the girls are feeding themselves more and more. The variety of foods available on the floor at any given moment is staggering.
The girls squeal with delight when they feel her furry back on their bare feet as she laps up remains under their high chairs - at least that why I think they keep dropping their food down there.

As the girls master the use of 'the spoon' - we've found there can also be collateral dolloping on vertical surfaces - this is not a problem for an alert FREE dog.

FREE dog has made clean up a breeze.

So yes, she crashes after they leave. Which is good. It gives me time to disinfect the floors, the cabinets, the furniture...
(Don't worry mom... we washed the babies before we brought them back... because she licks them too.)

and so i blog

2010-05-24T10:01:00.002-04:00

I am back.
I am back to blog.

I had to wait. I had to wait until the blogging was for me.

It is now.
It's basically all about me.

I am going to spend this week catching up on events that happened during my hiatus.

Friday

2010-05-21T14:56:00.002-04:00

tip-o-day

Here I am.
And isn't it appropriate that I return with a tip!

Have you ever had a get together at your home with friends who bring along a favorite dish to share...then you start drinking and eating and chatting and one thing leads to another and they leave their dish and go home.
Or perhaps your nephews came for a visit and the left behind a hat,a toy car or their new puppy.
So ... you make a mental note to yourself to remember to return it the next time you see them.
And ...inevitably you forget.

Try this.
Create a 'Don't forget' shelf, or spot, preferably somewhere near the door. So anytime someone forgets something at your house or even if it's just a coupon you want to remember to bring to your daughter -- put it in this spot.
Then every time you're heading out the door, take a quick scan of the shelf for items you may want to bring with you.
This is especially handy for folks you don't see all that often.
You can also put your reusable shopping bags here after you unload your groceries.

Zzzzz

2010-03-12T14:58:00.001-05:00

After the babies left.

kids

2010-03-07T17:11:00.004-05:00

It seems like so many new blogs I encounter these days are young lesbians trying to have babies. Why-o-why do all these lesbians want children - don't they realize how expensive college is these days?

Ok ok... the rewards may outweigh expenses... for example -perhaps one day, far in the future - you're 21 year old may roll out of bed... rather late one Sunday morning, possibly a little hung over, and tell you to get in the car cuz you are taking him to a movie... right now. A 3D movie. And he wants Milk Duds.

This is something you don't question. You simply put down whatever it is that you're doing and get in the car. Where he may already be sitting...waiting... revving your engine impatiently.

And when we ...the parents... start to bicker over what really is the superior movie snack, Milk Dud's or popcorn - he'll smile and say
"Ah.. now that's just how I remember it."
And of course - we get both.

That was our Sunday.
If he weren't 6 feet tall I'd swear he was 10.
Ahhh. Kids.

Today... he is lolling on a beach in the Bahamas swilling foofy cocktails, surrounded by scantily clad co-ed, waiting for the beer-chugging contest to begin.
Ahh. Spring Break.

critical mass

2010-03-04T14:16:00.003-05:00

I am currently working on a project in the basement.

Our basement is stone, and most likely used to have a dirt floor. It now has a thin layer of cement for the floor which I painted last winter.

As they often did in old basements the stone work was 'parged'. Which is a white plastery type material spread over the stone to help with moisture and to retain integrity. Over the many years we have been here this parging is breaking down and crumbling.

To tidy things up down there and make the basement presentable to potential buyers (we will move someday) I now spend my spare time painting rocks.
I am using a special water blocking paint.The white walls make the room look bright and clean.
Its a slow, yet gratifying process.

The wine cellar is now very approachable.

Since I work primarily at home now -I have been putting on my paint clothes in the morning - and paint on my lunch hour.
Yesterday afternoon I glanced down at my paint covered jeans thoughtfully. They are well worn - have that perfect fade - and they fit well. So I wondered why I ever let them become paint pants in the first place.

It only took a few moments to remember. These pants were downgraded to work clothes some time ago ...because they were so large.

oh shit.

environmental waste

2010-03-03T13:53:00.003-05:00

I was thrilled to receive a package recently with those corn starch packing peanuts - as you may know I have a very strong aversion to styrofoam.

The insert in the package said they would easily dissolve in water. Of course I immediately put one in the sink. It dissolved pretty quick with warm water.
Awesome.
So I tossed the rest out the back door. I figured its pretty wet outside - so eventually they would dissolve.

Of course, since that time we have had one snow after another and we've not seen bare ground in several weeks.
Ah, but Spring nears and yesterday, we had a huge melt.

Hmm.

a final word on curling

2010-03-01T10:45:00.002-05:00

Ferris came home from his big state university for the weekend.
When he wasn't out catching up with his buddies we enjoyed some quality family time watching curling.
Ferris has been studying the sport - from the sofa...and feels he could pretty much stand up, walk out onto the ice, and beat the US men's team.
His goal is to start a curling team for Italy. He has been perusing IOC websites to find out what he needs to do to qualify as an Italian.

So if you notice there is an Italian curling team in 2014 ... look for me and my proud wife in the stands yelling - Go Italia!
I hope I can help pick out the uniforms.